LIVE WELL IN TURBULENT TIMES (article 6 of 10)

MEET TOGETHER

I am in seven groups; some meet weekly, others monthly or quarterly. My wife finds this excessive while I find them a vital part of my response to turbulence times (she and I have our own ways of responding to ‘the bad stuff’).

In a pub in 1985, a colleague said to me, ‘You wear your heart on your sleeve’. There was then, and is now, much truth in his observation. I have always felt my emotions keenly and during much of my career I ran away from strong feelings preferring to smother them with too much work and too little time to think.

It worked OK until the time came to pay the price; I experienced several episodes of incapacitating high anxiety and deep sadness. My wife paid that price with me.

Then as my habitual rushing became a steady jog and as I was able to give myself more time for reflection, the discomforts and pains I had always been carrying, surfaced and became ever more evident. I found ways of working with them as a resource for learning.

Now things are different and I no longer allow myself to build up an emotional deficit. As I passed the 70-year threshold five years ago, I became more accustomed to pausing and stopping..

But still dreams, occasional sleeplessness and physical tension, a pervasive sense of ill-ease combine with the mounting turbulence around me. As the global poly-crisis rages louder outside, I have found it ever more necessary – in order to live well - to take care of what happens inside when I stop, breathe and notice what is arising (see article #5).

For me, an essential part of that taking care, is meeting to share with other people. Meeting together regularly gives me spaces to think things through, to process. I find it to be an essential mental and spiritual hygiene practice.

.Here’s a question for you: Is it just me, or is there something in meeting together in one shape or form which for all of us could be part of our armoury in turbulent times?

Another question: what for you would make a meeting an enjoyable place for discovery, healing and ease?

Over decades of facilitating groups and coaching leaders through crisis and building my experience of meeting together, I find that the following highlighted behaviours help us to live well.

Seven scenes, seven gatherings:

Online, the woman in the top right corner of the screen is listening as is the man on bottom left and so are everyone in between. The structure of the call is simple. One person speaks at a time, for as long as they need, with no interruptions. At the end of the monthly gathering, top-right-corner woman says that she had arrived feeling overwhelmed and now feels lighter.

At another gathering, (this one weekly, in-person), there is some structure (lightly-held) of walking various routes round the local park followed by coffee conversations. Chat ebbs and flows while enjoying the trees and the imminent prospect of the local cafe. Each week the conversation is not directed but emerges naturally, sometimes deeper, sometimes lighter, always engaging.

Online, two groups take place despite being separated by geography; one (quarterly) spans time zones, the other (monthly) is in the UK. Shared stories of ageing and associated concerns, forge a common understanding against a backdrop of the ending of paid careers, the possibility of new experiences and the certain dawning of older age.

Another meeting, quarterly, is a deep, sometimes aching sharing of a feeling of foreboding about impending climate collapse.

It may surprise you to hear of a gathering, online, of a small group of fathers of sons, who share life experiences, fatherhood and associated struggles. They construct space to build resilience by being vulnerable, together.

A one-hour Friday gathering starts with a hello and ‘Has anyone got a topic for today?’ Someone always has. The personal presence and open participation of the convenor and their being attuned (to oneself, to the other person and to the whole) invites a certainty that this, right now, is a safe and mutually respectful place to be.

Safety although here written last, is primary. Different for different people, being and feeling safe means that we can strengthen and preserve our wellbeing.

I wonder if these kinds of meetings are everyone’s cup of tea? Am I that different? I tend to think not.

Meeting together is wired-in part of being human.

Meeting Together is also the title of a book by the late George Gawlinski and Lois Graessle, which speaks of how to create enriching and productive spaces for groups large and small. I am fortunate that they were mentors who became my friends, and that I was asked to write a preface to the book and to help bring it into the world. I thought Lois and George did ‘magic’. Subsequently I discovered that we can all develop the skills to do this ‘magic’ when we meet together and benefit from what flows from it.

I see STOP, KEEP BREATHING, NOTICE WHAT HAPPENS (article #5) and MEET TOGETHER) as partners. What is provoked in us if we stop can be too much for us to handle alone, so we would do well to find ways to meet together to work through it.

The next article in the series #7, PAIN TO FUEL (GOOD STUFF FROM BAD STUFF) will be published on Wednesday 4^th June

Previous articles:

#5 STOP, KEEP BREATHING< NOTICE WHAT HAPPENS

#4 PROTECT MYSELF, DISCERN THE TRUTH

#3 SEVEN THINGS TO CONSIDER.

#2 REACTING TO TURBULENCE

#1 LEAVING MY DOOR OPEN

INTRODUCTION

This Live Well in Turbulent Times series accompanies the best seller and idiosyncratic novel business book ‘Good Leaders in Turbulent Times: How to Navigate Wild Waters at Work’ which is packed full of practical advice - see what shines bright for you - for leaders going through crises and emerging stronger. A story of nine characters over seven years, with 41drawings by Steven Appleby and 138 nuggets of advice (definitely some for you in there)

Buy Meeting Together here

See also ‘Good Leaders in Turbulent Times resources here