Live Well in Turbulent Times article #9 of 10

'WHAT ARE YOU FOR?'

‘I want to be a palaeontologist’ said the four-year-old child to my friend who was some 15 times older than her at the time. Then after a pregnant pause, the child continued ‘What are you for?’ My friend has been holding that question ever since.

Such a telling question from one so young. My friend tells me that this surprising exchange actually happened, some years ago.

As I unwrap these four little words, I find that more questions appear:

· What gets you out of bed in the morning?

· What are you doing with your life?

· What is nourishing for you?

· What do you stand up for?

· What matters most?

These are challenging questions which are easier to ask than answer. As a teenager six decades ago, the years ahead full of enticing possibility, I thought a lot about how my life would turn out and… what I was for.

Fast forward to June 2025 and that same question hang in the air. What am I for, today, with all that’s happening in the world around me? Along with the other practices outlined in this series, I find that knowing, and living, what I am for helps me weather the wild waters of our times.

It seems to me that the answer to the question is not ‘what must I do to stop wars, environmental degradation, support democracy worldwide and the like (all too big, too difficult, too exhausting). But rather, I would suggest, the question is what will I do to change a world around me (manageable, energising, me-size). As well as being do-able, it is nourishing, fulfilling and is something I can sustain.

Changing a world within my grasp touches that bit of the planet which is within my circle of influence – which, although tiny in the grand scheme of things, I suspect has more significance than I had at first imagined.

So for me the answer to the four-year old’s question is to be found by looking inside not outside myself. I seek to act from my inner sense of what chimes, of what resonates with me, not by acting out my anger and hurt (I recall the damage which was done when young offenders I used to work with did that). Bringing that inner knowing alive within my circle of influence benefits those around me and also makes me more robust and helps me to live well.

Each one of us may ask the same question, but the answer will differ according to our life stage and circumstances. For me I answer the question as befits the age we live in, with the perspective of my own older age.

AND THERE’S MORE: this thing is bigger than both, and all, of us.. I see that while my actions are having some influence, people are finding what is theirs to do and are also having influence on their circles. These many worlds of influence (MeYou MeYou MeYou…) complement and reinforce each other and together what-we-each-are-for adds up to Us and ‘Awareness Based Collective Action’ (See image and U Theory below).

What is ‘mine to do’ is not those short-term micro-activities which are fun for a night or a day, a short-term sugar hit. No, these are the things which I know in my heart are ‘mine to do’ and which are deeply satisfying.

And for each of us, these ‘mine to do’ things can be anything (music… animals… social action… baking bread… writing and a zillion other things).

Each one of us may seek to answer the ‘what are you for’ question in relation to apparently ‘small’ and ‘big’ issues in our lives Apparently ‘small’ issues like what will I campaign for, how will I exercise my purchasing power, what causes will I support, resolving conflicts I am involved with co-exist alongside the apparently ‘big’ ones like what issues I will stand up for, what career I will follow, where shall I volunteer my time, where I will live.

Be they ‘small’ or ‘big’, I have found some ways of discovering what is ‘mine to do’:

• ‘Does it make you smile?’ has stood the test of time. When, 25 years ago, I told a colleague I was considering applying for a national trustee position he asked me that question. (No, I wasn’t smiling. I was driven by ego. I didn’t apply)

• When you wake up on a new day and you think of that activity, do you feel burdened or do your insides feel a weeny bit lighter, does it make getting out of bed that bit easier?

• ‘I would love to be asked to…‘ ‘Wouldn’t it be amazing if… ‘ but I dare not hope for it.

• Jealousy, frustration or irritation may be signposts to an unfilled desire. What is the ‘I want’ lurking beneath these feelings?

• Willingness and reluctance are clues to your motivation. Two decades ago, I noticed I was continually putting off tasks to do with a particular project. I knew it wasn’t my thing and resigned the contract;. (A few months later I was offered a new contract by the same client; that one made my heart sing and I grabbed it with both hands.)

• Drawn-to-it impulse. Having been invited to join a charity board, a friend told me recently that he felt ‘drawn to it’ but rationally couldn’t understand why; having been on many boards he wondered if he was up for another. He pondered for days and followed his impulse and soon knew he had made the right decision.

There are models to help us figure out what we ‘are for’. Here are three:

U Theory invites us to ‘lead from the emerging future’ which involves ‘presencing’, namley being present and sensing at the same time. As we ‘go to the place of silence and allow the inner knowing to emerge’ we can hear a hint of what is ‘mine to do’. With focus and some time, we may amplify this and the quiet inner knowing becomes louder. With that we may start to get a sense of what we need to ‘let go’ of and what we may wish to ‘let come’. (Footnote 1)

Ikigai invites us to find what is needed, what we love, what we are good at (our profession) and for which we might even get paid. Look at where they overlap (Footnote 2)

A key teaching of Buddhism is the ‘noble eightfold path’. Two of those eight are ‘Right Action’ and ‘Right Livelihood’ (which isn’t the right or wrong kind of ‘right’ but one which sustains decent life and which is enriching for us too. (Footnote 3)

What next? With courage in both hands and knowing it’s hard but do-able, embark on ‘the journey inwards’, which by the way is the title of a book which touched me when I was a tender 15 year-old and which I have recently re-discovered.

1 Theory U Presencing

2 Ikigai (See pp28-31 ‘Align & Shine’ Marianne Hartley (2022)

3 ‘The Way Out is In’ podcast #87

This Live Well in Turbulent Times series accompanies the best seller and idiosyncratic novel business book ‘Good Leaders in Turbulent Times: How to Navigate Wild Waters at Work’ which is packed full of practical advice - see what shines bright for you - for leaders going through crises and emerging stronger. A story of nine characters over seven years, with 41drawings by Steven Appleby and 138 nuggets of advice (definitely some for you in there)

The next article in the series #10 ‘EQUANIMITY (?)’ will be published on Wednesday 25^th June

Previous articles in the series of 10:

#8 PREPARE CALMLY FOR COLLAPSE

#7 PAIN TO FUEL (aka Bad Stuff to Good Stuff)

#6 MEET TOGETHER

#5 STOP, KEEP BREATHING< NOTICE WHAT HAPPENS

#4 PROTECT MYSELF, DISCERN THE TRUTH

#3 SEVEN THINGS TO CONSIDER.

#2 REACTING TO TURBULENCE

#1 LEAVING MY DOOR OPEN

INTRODUCTION